| too caffeinated for sleep |
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| 03:29am 07/02/2006 |
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mood:  bored music: bjork
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first post of the new semester. Everything has been so different these past months, i feel like im borderline becoming more responsible in an irresponsible sort of way. whatever the fuck that means. Basically i finally made the decision to turn to creativ/dramatic writing for my major, coupled with fine arts. This has made so much more sense of my life as in now i dont have to do what i love on the side of my education. Now, what i love IS my education. so sweet. relationships have gotten better and growed as well as well as my interest for the Lower east side. i feel like everything is just slowly climbing back upward. I started to sketch again, and write alot. And i dont feel like im hiding anymore from the fact that i gained weight from defeating my 7 year eating disorder. Im just embracing the fact that i am here. I mean sure it is still hard to find my identity and confidence sometimes, but at least now i know that i have to keep looking foward, or im just gonna fall into another rut, like last semester. Well, i dont want to get too into this summary so ill end things with -
1. I am part of a bad ass duo, who has totally reshaped their rep and WILL get to bowser's castle. dont mess.
2. boo
3. do not have the audacity or ..... |
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| currently..... |
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| 02:29am 14/12/2005 |
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mood:  confused music: broken social scene
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i want to think about-
reflections
and first impressions
and change
and scrutiny
and love
and judgments
and lungs
and mistakes
and tears
and quiet
and confusion
and agression
and misguidence
and search
and support
and comfort
and nostalgia
and air
and healing
and reaping
and failure
and discovery
and happiness
and defense
and flying
and sincerity
and honesty
and forgivness
and remorse
and i want to put them all in pot and stir them up and then see what effect they have on one tiny life. then everything will be crystal clear. |
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| a run thru |
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| 11:46pm 06/12/2005 |
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mood:  relaxed music: coheed
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katelyns going away party was amazing on saturday. So ave came into town from boston for the weekend and it all started with me picking her up in midtown stoned as hell and us hysterically laughing as we ran thru midtown trying to find the subway. the weekend only got better with definite money blowing on clothes furry russian hats and you obviosly know what else. by the way the idea to make subway fare $1 on weekends was fucking genius! as a result there was many a trip uptown. Me katelyn and ave went to rockafeller center for some scenic touristy holidayish doings sunday night and had some laid back fun to end the perfect week. wait did i forget to mention how good i am at throwing eggnog parties? well i am! all in all for the rest of this semester or whats left of it i just want to do nothing, drink borba, cuddle with my tina, and enjoy being crazy. considering i actually have to care alot more about school next semester. |
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| grrrrrrr |
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| 06:15pm 29/11/2005 |
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mood:  bitchy music: wu-tang
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mother fucker mother fucker mother fuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
arrrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whaaaaaaat theeeeee fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk!
i dont even know what to say to explain anything right now.
All i want is the weekend to come, cuz one of my best friends is coming to visit, which should be just what i need.
3 days till then. retail therapy for now bitches. |
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| sweetness |
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| 01:58pm 28/11/2005 |
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mood: excited music: Belle & Sebastian
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its christmas time!!! Only about a month till christmas break and im actually excited to leave school for a month and begin the new semester. So christmas season means 1 thing and that is....hitting up bloomingdales on lexington and 59th street like every single day. ahhh yes. My agenda for today is buying a whole bunch of unecessary material things cuz its christmas time the only time its okay to max out your credit cards! |
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| nothing of any substance whatsoever |
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| 01:00am 15/11/2005 |
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i havent seen sunlight in about 2 weeks.
i hate thanksgiving its so promotes obesity.
i love looking over my LJ entries and seeing how extremely negative i am
happy pill pleeeease! |
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| its raining |
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| 05:18pm 09/11/2005 |
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mood: contemplative music: ben folds
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I could not lie in bed today. I wanted to, but i cant feel unmotivated anymore, it fucking sucks. but this always happens for a couple months with me. like im on a high for like a year and everything is just spinning so lovely thennn.....bam. everything stops spinning and im bored...with myself and everything, bored of books, bored of art, bored of music, bored of drinking. Ughhh! this is called the 6 months of severe depression that tends to happen ever other year. this is like the worst period of my life, except not really, but it feels like it. it needs to be over. Hmmm, i was thinking. Its been still so nice and warm out this fall and its gonna get so cold in a cpl weeks. I havent even been able to enjoy going outside these past months. I stay up till 7am thinking about nothing and just making every situation bigger in my head...then sleep thru the day and lie in bed too unmotivated to move. wtf. i need to stop being so lame. someone light a fire under my ass and make me wake up. things could be worse. i just need a good grip on shit. today was a start. i forced myself to go to the bookstore and find something that stirred my thoughts....i need to see beauty in things again |
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| riiiiiiight |
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| 05:44am 31/10/2005 |
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mood: amused music: the clash
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butter fights, passed out stoner in my bed (complete stranger),bathtub sleeping, angels, broken cocktail glasses, random run ins, belligerent fighting, reallllly bad spanish, anticipated dance off, being an official "bitch", rule breaking, law breaking, money blowing, being in 3 places at once, disappearing, awfulllll drunk dialing, regretable actions, ettc ettc. im beginning to wonder why our lives arent filmed |
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| i dont beleive in the fight |
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| 10:54pm 20/10/2005 |
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mood: contemplative music: mirah
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ugghhh...so yesterday i wake up screaming my lungs out kicking screaming beating the shit out of my dresser.it is fucking with my head. |
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| insomnia |
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| 05:17am 06/10/2005 |
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mood:  sleepy music: nothing
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it is official. i get by on 30 minutes of sleep a day. It is almost six am and i am awake, doing nothing, head too full of thoughts to sleep. and this has been the norm since i moved back to the city. i dunno what the deal is. sometimes i feel like if i sleep i could be doing other things, that are better, maybe productive, so i dont sleep at all. its confusing. all i know is i dont sleep, i drink disgusting amounts of coffee, and i get no work done. this equals eye circles of a drug addict. watev. |
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| tina made me do this cuz shes lame |
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| 02:59pm 17/09/2005 |
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mood:  blank music: motion city
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What's your favorite....
Beverage (non-alc) ? coffee. so dark and so strong it gives you chest pain.
Color ? periwinkle bleu
Food ? water and lettuce
Item of clothing ? my old seven jeans
Meal of the day ? coffee
Feature on yourself ? everything. im so fucking hott
Quality in a guy/girl ? good looking, i dont talk to ugly ppl
Phrase ? if you were a dog..id kick you in the face
Song ? roxanne, the police
Musical Artist/Band ? eliott smith, and biggie of course
Sport ? eww never
Movie ? resevoir dogs
TV Show ? anything on CNN that channel is HILARIOUS!!
Radio Station ? nope
Type of Chocolate ? i hate chocolate ughh, its so fattening
Eye Color ? blue
Do you/Have you ever....
Have any pets ? no, lets get serious would i really be able to care for another living being
Have any piercings ? nose and ears
Have any tatoos ? thinking bout it
Cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend: never
Gone skinny dipping ? no
Been to Europe ? london
Been to an island ? live on one bitches!
Had stitches ? eww no
Broken any bones ? no but i wish
Been stabbed/shot ? hell yea!
Slept until after 12:00 ? no, thats lazy
Stayed up all night ? yeaya
Hooked up with 2 people in one weekend ? umm yess
Turned down a dare ? never
Which friend....
Is the funniest ? Kristen
Is the prettiest ? me
Is the most handsom ? Jon Zarif
Is the loudest ? tina
Is the craziest ? jenna
Is the most shy ? aliza
Is the most loving ? averil
Is the most understanding ? suzanna
Is the most boring ? none of my friends can ever be boring
Is the richest ? Sonali
Is the most athletic ? adam
Is the most cocky ? whizzy
Is the most wordly/cultured ? anita
Do you look up to the most ? nicole richie, cuz shes anorexic
Do you tell everything to ? tina and suzanna
Has the best clothes ? Liz
Has the best house ? tina, cuz i live with her
Would you ever....
Eat pizza with chocolate chips ? eewww like i need to gain anymore weight! but if im drunk...its delicious!
Kiss someone of the same sex ? i dunno...no
Cheat on someone you love ? if they deserve it
Run away from home ? yes
Lie to your parents ? ALWAYSSSS!
Lie to your boyfriend/girlfriend ? maybe
Lie to your best friend ? god no! but yess, alot actually
Give a homeless person money ? mos def, they need drugs too!
Run from the police ? yeah...like your ass is on fire!
Bungee jump ? no thats for fat people
Sky dive ? lame
Cross dress ? lame
Be an exotic dancer ? cheap
Walk out of a restaurant without paying ? tacky
Scuba dive ? nahh
Go rock climbing ? awesome
Go spulunking (caving) ? wtf
What do you think of when you hear....
Eminem ? white
Bologna ? fat
Hott ? me
Orange ? county
Real world ? austin
Jack ? daniels whiskey
Cucumber ? calories
Hip-Hop ? juicey
Uniform ? catholic
UniCORN ! gay
Rainbow ? sprinkles
Clown ? are you afraid of the dark? nickelodeon bitches!! |
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| security!!!!! this man has cocaine up his ass! |
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| 08:09pm 14/07/2005 |
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mood: angry music: something angry
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i am currently making myseldf cocktails, fuck detox cus i had a bad fucking day... A BAD FUCKING DAY! i was at work ringing up customers minding my own business when my ex lover walks in with this girl and waits for her by the dressing room as she tries on clothes all the while he is flashing me the most obnoxious looks and those "hahahah fuck u this is my new girl" eyes.!!!!!!! wat an asshole he totally came to my store on purpose!!! so i like had a nervous breakdown and ran to the stock room crying and calling my best friend. uuuuuggggghhhhhhhh can we say high school all over again, i should get gangsta on his acid trippin ass! i need to get over him, im just upset that i wasted so much time on dealing with his bullshit, and his mood swings. I cant deal with him anymore, and cant wait to get back to school to just get away. |
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| people suck |
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| 08:58am 12/07/2005 |
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mood: aggravated music: elliott smith "sweet Adeline"
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i hate people who think they are better than you when you know and they know, and they know that you know that they know, that they are definitely not.i think im just gonna be independant for a while becuz little things are really starting to get to me, i dont want to compromise what i want or want to do to fit what others want. I drove to sunken meadow today listened to elliott smith and watched the sunset last night, and it was beautiful. And if little things like that can make me happy, then i want to do little things forever. |
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1_brief_smile's journal
drunk